Sunday, May 1
Last blogged @ 17:03

Well, I donno about you but it has been a really downhill month for me ever since the day after our 4th anniversary and i was really very quiet and depress. Something to do with my family and you too. But my family is already settled recently. And that just leaves you.

I don't get you. Am I not in your top priority list? I donno but we seldom spend time together and when we are in school we rarely even speak to one another. you have ur crowd of friends and i have mine.

Why?? Are we really gonna let this relationship fall into nothing? or are you gonna fight for our love??

please say or do something or do nothing and that will just confirm all my fears of a break up. We rarely get some private moments to talk about our relationship. U are either busy with training or we both are hanging out with our clique.

and to my kind and caring friends who are reading this the reason why i didn' t tell you anything cause i donno how to. You guys are close to both of us and it will just feel awkward to talk to u guys. and you two guys (u know who u are) already have girlfriends to take care of and busy with them.

and I did talked to some of my good close friends and they are guys so their input is really important and very reasonable to me.

and u know what one of them make me realise? that i am not asking much from you. - a text message (isn't that a common gesture to receive from ur companion? but not from u. i'm left waiting which just makes everything moves slowly.)

- a day out or just a movie together? (nope, u already have plans. i do not even complain or say anything about being rejected. and i kinda never asked again cause i dont want to be turn down a second time. heard this saying? ONCE BITTEN, TWICE SHY. )

how sad was i? very. depressed.

Am i really asking alot from you? answer me please. cause i donno.

but there is still something i need you to do which is to CLEAR MY DOUBTS. i dont want to b. up cause that would cause a lot of pain to me personally. i donno about you. not that im saying u have no heart.

and i'm just asking something from you, anything. anything that i could hold on to. to make it work or start over cause im lost.

U dont share ur feelings or thoughts with me anymore. what happen to you? we used to do it and suddenly u just go silent on me and changed.

it all fall over in just over a month.....

and there is 2 reasons why i wrote all this on blog and not talked to you personally.

(1) is really cause im so confused about us.

(2) I just dont have any courage to talk about this. im not brave or strong as you thought i was.

and by the time u read this i would already be crying or cried(past tense). :'(

and till when u read this, i would be waiting. dont give up after reading this. i would really want us to work it out. five months may mean nothing to u but it is something to me and to see it all go to waste is such too much for to take right now.

p.s: i know im being a coward to write it all here and just wait for you. but that's the most i could do. the rest is up to u. once bitten, twice shy. once rejected, forever afraid - for me.

:(

my feelings are just like in ALL OR NOTHING by O-TOWN

this was written yesterday night so all the grammer and spelling is abit with raw feelings. :/